I started going to a Mom’s group this week.
I was going back and forth on whether or not I wanted to be apart of one. After going through so many emotions, I decided to take the plunge and do it. The week leading up to it caused me major anxiety.
I was nervous.
I was excited.
I was dreading it.
I was feeling hopeful.
I was tired and wanting to skip so I could nap instead. I was having a rough previous week adjusting from watching one toddler to two toddlers and a baby.
The night was awkward. Why in the world does EVERYONE on planet earth have SOMEONE to go with to these types of things, but me?? This is exactly the thought I kept trying to not be overwhelmed with during the meeting. Seriously. I looked for ONE mom that didn’t have a buddy with them or know someone there. I found NONE. I was feeling pretty lonely, I’m not going to lie. I was there to make friends! However, it is pretty intimidating to do when others have a buddy and I’m standing to the side trying to look approachable.
Here’s what I decided about these mom groups…
1.Mom group is like going on a blind date.
They’re awkward. You’re not sure what to expect. It could be a crapshoot.
2. First impressions are everything.
I know. I know. Physical appearance shouldn’t be the main thing people judge or address. In reality, it happens. I made sure to wear the perfect outfit. I didn’t want to look too casual in sweats, not too “put together” as if I’m Ms. Perfect. I wanted my future friends to know what they were getting into. I have spent the past year in a half working through those battles of feeling inadequate, I didn’t want to go back to that. I wanted to speak to others friendly and confident, but not too confident. I wanted to act myself, but not look like I’m trying too hard.
3. Your confidence or insecurities shine bright.
Depending on which end of the spectrum you’re on in the confidence department depends on how you’ll feel going to one. If you’re confident, you’ll have no problem interacting with others, asking gutsy questions to fellow moms for a play date, or even finding a seat to sit before the meeting starts.
I was feeling like a very confident person. That is until I lost every friend in my life after having Lucas. I don’t care who you are, that makes you very conscious. The last friend I lost before deciding God needed me to focus on other things aside from friends said that I was “too negative, jealous of her life, untrustworthy, and these are reasons why no one wants to be my friend.” These are the OPPOSITE of what I live by. I have never been called those things. Yet, when you lose just about everyone important in your life (or so I thought) you start to question who you are as a person. You start to wonder if they ARE right. Are you really showing those things to people? That broke me.
4. Conversations can go smoothly or awkward depending who they are with.
This kind of goes with the whole blind date concept. When you DO become gutsy to ask a fellow mom on a play date, you get a bit anxious, and start searching your brain for conversation starters so there isn’t an awkward moment.
I went on a mom play date a couple days after the meeting. I was nervous. I wasn’t sure how I was suppose to act. I didn’t want to come across all those things that my previous friend had told me. I didn’t want to lose another person in my life. I didn’t want to come across to self centered by talking too much about myself. I didn’t want to share too much from the past year, without coming across too negative. I didn’t want to say my opinion too much in chance that I come across “negative.” To worry about all these things in a basic “get to know you” conversation is EXHAUSTING.
5. Put yourself out there.
Now this is one I’m still working on.
One side of me says..
Why does this list matter? Just be yourself, you’ll find your village when the time is right. It’s better to be yourself than try to be someone you’re not. For this reason, your newfound friends will know what they’re getting into from day one.
The other side of me says…
I’m scared. I’m afraid to be rejected. I can’t take more of it. I’ve lost too many friends in my lifetime. I’m just too tired to start over again. Being a mom is draining. Now I need to be in a ton of effort to make a new friend? I see many people with the friend soulmates. When is that coming for me? Why can’t it already be here? Is my village already in front of my eyes and I don’t see them?
What do you think? Have you noticed any similarities to dating and making new friends?
Post in the comments below. I’d love to hear your thoughts!
~Mom Seeking a Village