Real Talk: Making New Friends vs. Dating

I started going to a Mom’s group this week.

I was going back and forth on whether or not I wanted to be apart of one. After going through so many emotions, I decided to take the plunge and do it. The week leading up to it caused me major anxiety.

I was nervous.

I was excited.

I was dreading it.

I was feeling hopeful.

I was tired and wanting to skip so I could nap instead. I was having a rough previous week adjusting from watching one toddler to two toddlers and a baby.

The night was awkward. Why in the world does EVERYONE on planet earth have SOMEONE to go with to these types of things, but me?? This is exactly the thought I kept trying to not be overwhelmed with during the meeting. Seriously. I looked for ONE mom that didn’t have a buddy with them or know someone there. I found NONE. I was feeling pretty lonely, I’m not going to lie. I was there to make friends! However, it is pretty intimidating to do when others have a buddy and I’m standing to the side trying to look approachable.


Here’s what I decided about these mom groups…

1.Mom group is like going on a blind date.

They’re awkward. You’re not sure what to expect. It could be a crapshoot.Image result for blind date meme

2. First impressions are everything.

I know. I know. Physical appearance shouldn’t be the main thing people judge or address. In reality, it happens. I made sure to wear the perfect outfit. I didn’t want to look too casual in sweats, not too “put together” as if I’m Ms. Perfect. I wanted my future friends to know what they were getting into. I have spent the past year in a half working through those battles of feeling inadequate, I didn’t want to go back to that. I wanted to speak to others friendly and confident, but not too confident. I wanted to act myself, but not look like I’m trying too hard.

Image result for first impression meme

3. Your confidence or insecurities shine bright.

Depending on which end of the spectrum you’re on in the confidence department depends on how you’ll feel going to one. If you’re confident, you’ll have no problem interacting with others, asking gutsy questions to fellow moms for a play date, or even finding a seat to sit before the meeting starts.

I was feeling like a very confident person. That is until I lost every friend in my life after having Lucas. I don’t care who you are, that makes you very conscious. The last friend I lost before deciding God needed me to focus on other things aside from friends said that I was “too negative, jealous of her life, untrustworthy, and these are reasons why no one wants to be my friend.” These are the OPPOSITE of what I live by. I have never been called those things. Yet, when you lose just about everyone important in your life (or so I thought) you start to question who you are as a person. You start to wonder if they ARE right. Are you really showing those things to people? That broke me. 

4. Conversations can go smoothly or awkward depending who they are with.

This kind of goes with the whole blind date concept. When you DO become gutsy to ask a fellow mom on a play date, you get a bit anxious, and start searching your brain for conversation starters so there isn’t an awkward moment.

I went on a mom play date a couple days after the meeting. I was nervous. I wasn’t sure how I was suppose to act. I didn’t want to come across all those things that my previous friend had told me. I didn’t want to lose another person in my life. I didn’t want to come across to self centered by talking too much about myself. I didn’t want to share too much from the past year, without coming across too negative. I didn’t want to say my opinion too much in chance that I come across “negative.” To worry about all these things in a basic “get to know you” conversation is EXHAUSTING.

5. Put yourself out there.

Now this is one I’m still working on.

Image result for putting yourself out there meme


One side of me says..

Why does this list matter? Just be yourself, you’ll find your village when the time is right. It’s better to be yourself than try to be someone you’re not. For this reason, your newfound friends will know what they’re getting into from day one.

The other side of me says…

I’m scared. I’m afraid to be rejected. I can’t take more of it. I’ve lost too many friends in my lifetime. I’m just too tired to start over again. Being a mom is draining. Now I need to be in a ton of effort to make a new friend? I see many people with the friend soulmates. When is that coming for me? Why can’t it already be here? Is my village already in front of my eyes and I don’t see them?

What do you think? Have you noticed any similarities to dating and making new friends?

Post in the comments below. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

~Mom Seeking a Village

 

 

 

5 Comments Add yours

  1. koolaidmoms says:

    Moving to a new place 550 miles from my friends and family and trying to make friends with older children? Too much like dating. It has taken me 5 years to cultivate a small group (3-4) of friends that I feel I can now depend on and we have a good relationship.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes. Exactly! Hoping to get a small group like that with 3-4 people too. I’m glad you’ve got a few though. It’s the quality of people in your life. Not quantity. 🙂 Also, I saw on the Today show they were sharing ideas of a Mom Tinder app! … seems interesting.

      Like

      1. koolaidmoms says:

        That’s funny. Mom Tinder!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi! I see you’ve been exploring my site and so I’m going over to your neighborhood to see what goodies you have. I had to read this one. When I had my first son and he was about one year old we moved away from our sweet coastal town, our church, our friends, our community. I had to start all over again and we moved to a tiny, tiny town on the river in a pear orchard. I was miles from a town. I joined some mom and tot groups and felt the same way. I wound up not continueing because, honestly, they got on my nerves. I don’t want to join a group of women just to talk more baby poop and habits. I wanted real and deep conversations. Then I had another son and realized that the days of deep conversations is over. I still don’t do those groups and I’m struggling with homeschooling groups. I want fun and positive women, I don’t want the “bitch and stitch” groups. I want to talk about other things besides my kids. I’m madly in love with my children but I’m with them 24 hours and want to talk something besides dinosaurs you know? I’m also don’t have much energy left over to bond. It’s exhausting making new friends. I just call my old friends and blog. I enjoy strangers because we can chat and not commit.

    Like

    1. Yes! Completely understand. 🙂 I’m tired too and it’s so much work to make new friends. Not only that but I feel way more selective now that I am a Mom. I don’t want to waste my time on a dud (for lack of a better term) and want real people. I’m so over those people who sugarcoat everything and basically say their children poop gold. We all love our children, doesn’t mean we can’t be a little frustrated sometimes with and can’t talk about other things! Good luck on finding some people and I’m happy the blogging works for you. Thanks for stopping by! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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