Real Talk: A Goodbye Letter to the One Sided Friendship

Dear One Sided Friend,

What in the world is going on? Why won’t you call me back? Why won’t you text me back? I’m worried about you. I’ve been worried about you. I’ve reached out to you and am trying to be here for you, but you won’t give me the chance. Why not?

I’ve learned in counseling every situation isn’t always about me. This is one where I’m trying not to make it all about me. However, I can’t help but feel like you’re totally dismissing my love for you and your family.

You say the ignoring and not asking for help is how you deal with your extended family. As if I should be honored to be treated as your family versus best friends. Well, guess what? We aren’t family. I used to think we were, but I’m seeing that we have two different definitions of what family is. I’m seeing that you and I don’t have the same standards of what we want our family to be. You know why I say that? Because family doesn’t dismiss each other. Family doesn’t deny love or help when needed. Family doesn’t purposefully ignore phone calls and texts yet accept them from others that aren’t that close to you.

I’m sorry, but I can’t let you treat me this way. I can’t keep trying to help you. I can’t sit here and offer support only when you want it from me. You see, the thing is… You don’t ask me for help very often. I don’t even know what’s going on in your life anymore unless you are about to burst with frustration.

I have not once sat next to you and judged you. I did not once sit there and bash your loved ones. I listened. I validated your feelings. I calmed you down when you were angry. I even asked you if you wanted advice and only gave it when your answer was, “Yes.”

I’m trying so hard to be “that person” for you. I’m trying so hard to be the friend who never leaves your side and is there through “thick and thin.” You know what I’ve realized? There aren’t many “thin” times. There are a lot of “thick” times that consist of me trying to break through and be there for you. I’ve shared my deepest thoughts to you. I see you are willing to listen to them, but not willing to share yours.

I’ve spent too many times worrying about you. I’ve spent too many hours texting you, calling you, and making you things to cheer you up.

I thought we were over this. I thought after our last argument, you understood where I was coming from. I thought you admitted that you weren’t being fair. I thought you promised to open up to me and be the best friend I used to have. Remember that? I do. That’s what has kept me here in this friendship, but you know what? I can’t let that be the anchor. I can’t keep putting an effort into a friendship that isn’t being nurtured on both sides. I can’t keep trying to push my way in to your life, even though you thank me for it in the end. I just can’t do it.

I have a family. I have a child. I have worries. I have fears. I have stresses. I have problems. We all do. I’m not perfect. I’m not trying to be perfect. I’m trying to be real. So why aren’t you?

Listen. I’m here. I’m always here. But I can’t waste more of my days thinking about this friendship when I should be putting effort into my family and marriage. I can’t keep having the conversation with Mike over and over about how to get through to you.

I want so desperately to be your person. I want so desperately to be your protector. But you know what? I can’t be. I thought God wanted me to be here for you. I thought God wanted me to do what he would do. But I’ve learned that I’m NOT God. I can’t do everything he would do. I have to trust in him to help you. I can’t do it. I’m not your person. I’m not the one who will be your support and help improve your life. Only you can do that. And I’m finding that you’re not ready for that.

With that being said, I have to say goodbye. I have to say goodbye to this friendship. To what I thought this friendship would be. To what I hoped this friendship would be. To what I hoped our children would be together. To what I thought our family would be.

I need to continue my healing journey. I need to continue practicing what I preach and I’m finding that what I preach is different than what I’m practicing in our friendship. I’m trying too hard. It’s time for me to stop. It’s time for me to go.

When and if you’re ready to heal, I’m here. When and if you’re ready to let me in, I’ll be ready. Until then, I’m going to live my life and move on.

I love you,

~Krista

#momseekingavillage #anotheronebitesthedust #isthereanybodyoutthere

 

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